everets: little kids are like tiny idiot versions of real people
nuggits2: did you know if you say bloody marry 3 times in the mirror at 1am your mom will tell you to shut the fuck up and go to bed
Use of Profanity With Age
8 years old: oh my gosh i said 'shut up!' mom is going to kill me!
18 years old: WELL FUCK ME OVER SIDEWAYS AND DICK TOSS THAT SHIT TO HELL I FORGOT TO PRINT THIS OUT.
me: does a 30 minute jog
me: ok where my hot bod at
Class is too quiet
Stomach: Ladies and gentlemen I shall play you the song of my people.
notafraidofruins: Sometimes I feel okay and then I’m like wow that was a really nice 45 seconds
Mitt Romney at 2pm.
Debating if I should go or sleep.
pengpenguins: “SAD STORIII!!! boi: r u ok????? girl: no i have brest cancer :((( boi: …. *later that day girl has op n removes cancer she is ok* girl: bf where r u??? mom: he died didnt he tell you about his op?? girl: omg no wat?? mom: yh he donted his brest for ur op girl: <3333333333333333333333333333 *evry day they visut bois grave* LIK IF YU CRYED I DID “ I just saw this on facebook.
SIGNS THAT THINGS AREN'T GOING SO WELL
pengpenguins: Your midnight snack is more like a full course meal.
hyperbolequeen: my entire life is just me “winging it”
shavingryansprivates: i can’t decide which would be more uncomfortable sleeping naked on a leather couch in the middle of summer when your air conditioning is broken or a date with miranda cosgrove
im-a-walking-paradox: hey canadians have fun at school tomorrow
denzelgtfo: first i park my car then i try 3 more times cause im shit at parking
hey-lauren: americans we have problems too we’re just like you except we’re free
cosmo tip #236
expertcosmotips: sensually play the recorder for him
I got this new memory foam pillow.
And, well, let’s be honest. It’s probably the best thing that’s happened to my life.
Television: In the criminal justice system--
Me: SEXUALLY-BASED DEFENSES ARE CONSIDERED ESPECIALLY HEINOUS. IN NEW YORK CITY, THE DEDICATED DETECTIVES WHO INVESTIGATE THESE VICIOUS FELONIES ARE MEMBERS OF AN ELITE SQUAD KNOWN AS THE SPECIAL VICTIMS UNIT. THESE ARE THEIR STORIES. DUN DUN
Why can't I sleep?
I swear I was tired