I remember a couple months ago you apologized for all of the pain you had caused me and told me that you regretted everything that happened. I was waiting for that moment for the longest time, but when it actually happened it was not satisfying. My heart had broken all over again. I knew I couldn’t go back to you. Not because I didn’t want to, or because I didn’t still love you. But because it just wouldn’t have worked. I held too much bitterness and resentment to be able to pick up where we left off. And even though you said all of that, I’m aware it wasn’t an invitation back either.
That’s what’s wrong with relationships. People get hurt to the point where they just can’t be together anymore, no matter how bad their inner attachment wants them to be. It’s the worst type of internal struggle. “I love her, I want her, I want no one else to have her” is going through your mind, while also “She hurt me too bad, if we dated again I would be constantly bitter and all we would do is fight” throws itself in the mix.
We’re both living our own separate lives now, and you seem to have found happiness in something. I’m on my way there. I accept that we most likely wouldn’t have worked out anyway. I accept that I felt like our entire relationship felt like a competition. We were too alike. Your success made me feel inadequate (through no fault of your own) and in turn pushed me to work harder. We both have life goals; though we don’t know where life is going to individually take us, neither of us was willing to step away from our dreams to be support for the other one. You so badly want(ed?) to pursue International Affairs, and you need someone who can be there for you, not someone who is off achieving his own goals in life. The same for me. I plan to go far in life, and it doesn’t seem to make sense to have a partner who I must constantly compete with for success. I need someone who can support me. This just reminds me of all the pseudo fights we would have about who would cook dinner. Those joke arguments certainly had truth like undertones. We obviously both want to come home to a meal every night!
The point of this blog was to tell about my fears of relationships after my last debacle, not so much divulging into a case study. But really, how can I expect myself to be ready for commitment again anytime soon? I shouldn’t. The contradictory pains should be enough for any reasonable person to give up on love forever. But for some odd reason, I still believe in it. And I believe I will just know when the right person comes along. (criteria includes but is not limited to: being able to talk politics intelligently, outgoing personality, a college education, a good, maybe even twisted sense of humor, and just having that chemistry)
I see so many people in Christian culture that seem to use religion to fill voids in their lives. Being raised in a single parent household is difficult, and it’s cool when you meet someone who is a father figure to you. But when you call somebody dad 19 times in one facebook post, it makes me wonder: what is this person in it for?
I’m watching an identity crisis occur. The sad thing is, it’s been happening since we were in elementary school. He changes his religion every week. He changes his last name, and even tried to change his entire name last night by creating a new facebook page.
“I don’t preach a social gospel; I preach the gospel, period. The gospel of our Lord Jesus Christ is concerned with the whole person. When people were hungry, Jesus didn’t say, ‘Now is that political or social?’ He said, ‘I feed you.’ Because the good news to a hungry person is bread.”—
It’s as simple as that. A man and a woman may be the only way to reproduce, but that doesn’t mean they are only attracted to opposites.
In some societies, men like plump women. In others, they like twigs. And in some rare cases, they like other men. I don’t see a major difference here. In a culture where Rosie O’Donnell was the poster girl for sexy, would an American male choose her or some hot male celebrity? They’d probably rather die.
Sexuality is a social construct.
"Men look at women. Women watch themselves being looked at." -John Berger
-The Nevada Legislature convenes soon, mainly to find a way to get us out of this economic crisis. It’s important that we as students fight back against these imminent budget cuts. If our voices are heard, the cuts may be reduced to a “reasonable” amount.
-Does raising the minimum wage constantly have an effect on inflation? probably.
- will the new congress get anything accomplished? we’ll see. I wonder if the republican controlled house and the near split senate will work with the president at all.
-I think it’s safe to say that every human being practices utilitarianism; even the so called “absolutists.”
-I think Karl Marx was on to something.
-I also think Jeremy Bentham and John Stuart Mill were more convincing in their philosophical approaches to government and to mankind in general.
-“Decision Points” by George W. Bush is a good read. I think he continually gets the short end of the stick. Congress passes laws, not the president. Shouldn’t everyone blame the then Democratic controlled congress for everything that happened? Or, maybe this is the result of Clinton’s presidency or Reagan’s economic policies. Regardless, the blame should be spread out and not concentrated on one man.
-Still wondering when Obama is going to campaign on what he does, not what Bush did.
-I think Jimmy Fallon is gay. Like, literally gay.
-I saw Cameron Diaz today.
-We tried it and it didn’t work out. No reason for either of us to be bitter if indeed what you told me was true. No one cheated. No one lied. I still think you’re awesome and I hope you don’t completely despise me. Not past the maxx. To the maxx, okay I suppose. But not past.